As I mentioned in a previous blog, I saw an endocrinologist in December 2019 and was given the diagnosis for Type 1 Diabetes after living my life as a Type 2 Diabetic for 9 years.
My endocrinologist asked how I wanted to manage my type 1 diabetes and I said I wanted a pump. She said my lab results would need to indicate the need for a pump so she said she would order the needed labs and we would go from there.
Once I received my true diagnosis, I felt a sense of peace. For so many years, I blamed myself for not being able to manage my sugars, for not being able to have an in range A1C, for trying so many different types of diets and workouts and none of them working for me or my sugars, for delaying going to the doctor’s office because I couldn’t take being judged for not managing my diabetes and being lectured on the consequences that come with uncontrolled diabetes management. After 9 years, my body was finally getting what it needed and I felt relieved.
My lab results did indicate that I qualified for a pump so I received pump training February 19, 2020, two months after being diagnosed with type 1. During the waiting period, I was injecting insulin via insulin pens so I was happy to hear that I was going to have pump training since injecting insulin was painful at times. Pump training
happened at home and my mom was with me. The lady was super nice and was showing my mom and I the tools I was going to use for my pump. She went through each step of changing my infusion set and had me fake practice. She said I would eventually get a CGM (continuous glucose monitor) as well but the first step was getting this part down.
The training lasted about an hour or so and we thanked her for her time and she left. I remember sitting back down at the table with my mom, looking down at everything I needed for the pump and a wave of emotions and an overwhelming feeling washed over me and I started crying. My mom hugged me, cried with me and that moment reminded me of the time when I had been diagnosed as a type 2 diabetic 10 years prior.
I remember my dad getting home and seeing us with puffy faces and red eyes and asked what had happened. I shared with him how I was feeling overwhelmed, started crying again and he hugged me too and said it was going to be okay. A few months went by and I started getting better at changing my infusion set. I no longer needed to watch a YouTube video on how it was done and was able to do it a lot faster.
Now, using my pump is second nature. It’s almost as easy as breathing. With each passing month, I am learning more about my pump and how to use it to its fullest potential. But that type of education and learning didn’t come from a doctor or healthcare professional, it didn’t come from the reps of my pump. It came from me talking to other diabetics, following diabetics on Instagram, informing myself, educating myself, advocating for myself, having a desire to learn more so I can get better at managing my diabetes. Are some days hard? Heck to the mother effin yes. But do I give up? Nope. I might take a break here and there but then I get back on the horse and keep going.
We all have choices even when we think we don’t. I have the choice to stop taking care of myself. I have a choice to take breaks. I have a choice to be diligent or not. I have a choice to try or not. I have a choice to pre-bolus or not. But every day, I am making the choice to take care of myself, to take breaks when I need them, to do my best, to pre-bolus and carb count. Every day I am choosing to be better and do better.
With that type of mindset, I know I am and will be unstoppable. And this translates to all the other areas of my life. With my work, my career, my finances, my relationships, my marriage, the foods I eat, the exercises I do, the way I talk to myself. We all have choices and we are responsible for the choices we make. There are many external factors of course that can influence our choices but at the end of the day, we are the ones making the final decision. We are accountable for our actions and the decisions we make.
We all battle something everyday but we are all still here. You are here. You are important and worthy of choosing to help make your life better. Every day, every hour is a new chance to make better choices. Today, I choose to continue taking care of myself so I can continue to celebrate and enjoy life. I choose to continue to advocate and learn so I can better manage my diabetes.
If you’re struggling with something, anything, reach out for help because you’re not alone even if you think you are or feel that way.
Living with Dianabetes 