Due to being pregnant with Type 1 Diabetes, it automatically qualified me to be referred to a Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) Specialist (oh the joy of having so many appointments!). They are basically in charge of ensuring that the baby is growing appropriately and that the mom (me) is taking care of themselves and doing what they are supposed to do to ensure the baby grows healthy and strong.
Well….let me tell you about my first encounter with an MFM.
My appt was scheduled at 11:30am so I made sure I was off work from 10:30am-1:30pm to allow me time to drive to my appointment, be seen, have/eat lunch and return to work. My husband was off work that day so he went with me to my appointment.
Side note: The doctor’s office was about a 30 minute drive from our house (I work from home).
We get to the office, for the first time, around 11:10am as I was told over the phone to arrive at least 15 minutes early to complete the necessary paperwork. The girl at the front desk said I came a bit too early and that she would give me the paperwork at 11:20am. As it was my first time in their office, I didn’t say anything, I didn’t protest and just said, “okay.”BUT I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that I should have said something but I ignored it and my husband and I sat down in the waiting room.
The receptionist finally called my name and gave me the necessary paperwork at 11:25am. IT WAS A BIG PACKET with at least 10 pages that I had to complete, fill out and sign. I whispered to my husband, “They could have totally given this to me right when I came so that when I was done, it was 11:30am.” I do my best to complete the paperwork as soon as possible and turn everything in. About 30 minutes later, I finally get called back and they weigh me and check my blood pressure. We then enter a room and was told they would do an ultrasound. Ultrasound gets completed (we get to see baby and hear their heartbeat which was so surreal and heartwarming) and then we are asked to return to the waiting room to wait to see the MFM.
It was about 12:15pm and we were still waiting to be seen by the MFM. I started to get super nervous as I had to return to work by 1:30pm and still eat lunch and remember, the doctor’s office was about a 30 minute drive.
I go to the receptionist and ask how much longer to be seen and she said she was unsure. That didn’t help at all but I thanked her and returned to my seat. I then started to silently cry as I was super anxious (I hate being late to work and I don’t like not being able to follow through with what I say) and my husband notices and tells me that everything was going to be okay. It was now 12:45pm and I was STILL waiting to be seen by the MFM. I then message my office manager that I was still at my doctor appointment and probably wouldn’t return to work until maybe 2pm and I would update my time off request to reflect the additional time I took off; luckily it wasn’t an issue and they said they would reschedule my patients.
The fact that I had to do that, still didn’t sit well with me. I was super tempted to just cancel the MFM appt and reschedule it but it didn’t feel right doing that because I wanted to make sure the baby was okay and that I was informed/educated on what I needed to do to ensure baby continued to be okay. I cried some more and finally got myself together as this other patient in the waiting room started talking to me and my husband and the conversation with her helped distract me.
I finally got called back around 1:10pm. My husband and I are escorted to a small office and proceed to wait for the MFM for a few more minutes. She walks in, sits down and gets down to business.
Side note: I don’t mind getting straight to business, I prefer it as a provider myself BUT there is still something called “bedside manner” and getting to know the patient especially if it is the FIRST time meeting them.
She sees that I have diabetes Type 1 and asks me about my pump settings. She asks about my basal rate and I tell her and she looks at me, raises her eyebrows and asks “all day?” In that split second, I think to myself “is that bad? Is my basal setting too high? Too low?” and I respond, “yes.”She proceeds to write it down and then asks about my carb ratio and I tell her and she looks at me, raises her eyebrows and again asks “all day?” In that split second, I think to myself “Okay, what the fuck is her problem? I feel judged” and I respond, “yes.” She then writes it down.
She then asks me what I am eating for breakfast, I tell her and she replies, “No, you can’t do that anymore, you have to eat (she then tells me what I should eat).” I said “okay, I can do that.” She then asks what I eat for lunch, I tell her and she replies, “No, you can’t do that anymore, you have to eat (she then tells me what I should eat).” I said “okay, I can do that” while thinking, “Oh em gee, I don’t like this lady at all!” She then asks me what I eat for dinner, I tell her and she replies, “No, you can’t do that anymore, you have to eat (she then tells me what I should eat).” I said “okay” while thinking, “Oh em gee, fuck this lady! My blood sugars are controlled and in range, why do I need to change how I am eating?!” She then asks what I eat/drink when I have low blood sugars and I reply that I take 1/2 glucose tablet and she replies, “No, don’t do that anymore. I want you to drink 8 oz of milk instead.” I tell her that we never buy milk and I rarely if ever drink milk and that the glucose tablets seem to do the trick as it levels me out and doesn’t cause me to go high and she just said, “Drink the 8oz of milk instead, don’t do glucose tablets anymore.”
Mind you, she NEVER asked me about my recent A1C (which at that time was 6.1) nor did she ask how my blood sugars were before or after meals.
As this appointment progressed, I started getting snippy and giving attitude because I was NOT liking the way she was speaking to me. I found my voice and started to talk back, I started to disagree with her, I started to tell her how I was doing it and how it was working out for me.
I know she could tell that I wasn’t liking her so she started making small jokes here and there. I never smiled, smirked or laughed and just stared at her. I was over it. She had lost me. She had already done too much damage and for me, there was no going back. I had already decided in my head that she was not someone that I wanted to meet with or work with throughout my pregnancy.
She said she wanted to see me back in one week for a blood sugar check and I said okay. I accepted the advice/tips/suggestions she offered.and thanked her for her time. My husband and I went back to the front desk and as they were scheduling me a follow up appointment, I asked who the doctor would be and the said it would be with the same doctor and I told them, “No, I don’t want to see her. I want to see someone else.” The receptionist looked at me with a weird look on her face and she said, “Okay, you’ll be seen by” and gave me another doctor’s name and I said thank you.
We walked out of the office and about 5 seconds later, I started to cry uncontrollably (as I am writing this a knot forms in my throat with just thinking back to the experience). I couldn’t hold it all in anymore and just cried. My husband and I stopped walking and we just stood in the middle of the hallway. I was crying and he was holding me in his arms and he said, “That was overwhelming, I felt overwhelmed too. My head hurts.” I was able to finally stop crying after 1-2 minutes and we walked to the car. I cried again in the car and vented to my husband why I felt so judged and hurt. I shared with him that the ENTIRE appointment was a chain of small events that accumulated.
Side note: I had only ate breakfast as I thought I would have lunch by 1pm or so, so I was probably hangry as well. I didn’t have any snacks/food on me either. I ended up messaging my office manager (right before the MFM walked in) that I wouldn’t start work until 3pm so that I could have time to eat something before returning to work.
While my husband and I were driving back home he mentioned that he noticed I gave the doctor attitude and he chuckled and says, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you act that way before.” I chuckled as well and said, “Well yeah! That lady was a bitch! I didn’t like the way she was talking to me and how judgmental she was!”My husband replied, “She seemed like a nice lady though, she was trying to make you laugh but you weren’t having it.” I replied, “She might be a nice person but she was not a good doctor. She made me feel horrible and that I wasn’t doing good enough and probably just assumed that I wasn’t doing what I should and that pissed me off!”
Needless to say, to this day, I haven’t seen her since then (not even in the hallways of the office) and I always make sure I am seeing another doctor and while I am scheduling a follow up appointment if they tell me that the appointment is with her, I tell them, “I don’t want to see her, please give me another appointment” and they do (thank goodness!).
(I just had to take a deep breath because man oh man!)
Doctors can have a ton of experience, yes, they went to school, yes, their years in medical school was grueling, yes but that doesn’t negate the fact that YOU know YOUR body and that YOU might know what is best/better for YOU.
Moral of the story: ALWAYS STAND UP FOR YOURSELF & ADVOCATE FOR YOURSELF
Living with Dianabetes 