Happy November 1st peeps! 🙂
Even though I have been a diabetic since 2010, I didn’t become fully aware of National Diabetes Awareness Month until last year, 2021.
For a decade, I shied away from anything that was diabetes related. I didn’t want to associate myself with diabetes, being a diabetic, never told any friends or extended family that I had diabetes and never posted anything on social media about it.
I wanted to live life diabetes free and I truly did live like I wasn’t a diabetic. I rarely if ever checked my blood sugar, I was inconsistent with doctor visits, I was inconsistent with lab work, I was inconsistent with my diabetes care and almost always lied to my immediate family about how my diabetes was going.
I started therapy in the beginning of 2018 but we didn’t get to talking about my diabetes until the beginning of 2020. That is how much I avoided talking about my diabetes.
One of the main reasons I started (reluctantly) talking about my diabetes in therapy was because I had gotten engaged to my now husband. My husband and I met in June 2018 and we went on our first date 3 months later.
(I honestly cannot remember when exactly I told him that I was a diabetic)
I had kept my diabetes diagnosis a dark secret for so long and kept doing my best to ignore it that it wasn’t something that was at the forefront of my mind. Fast forward to mid-November 2019, I was at the endocrinologist office and was told that I might have to go to the Emergency Room because my blood sugar was critically high. I cried to the nurse and said I wanted to do everything possible to avoid going to the Emergency Room and she said she needed to consult with my doctor. I called my boyfriend (my now husband) crying and told him the news. He, luckily, had got off work early so he was able to go to the doctor’s office and meet me.
At that time, we both worked for the same hospital and one of the reasons I didn’t want to go to the ER was because that is where my co-workers and his co-workers worked. I didn’t want my deep dark secret to be exposed/shared with others because it wasn’t something that I had truly been open about with my boyfriend.
After spending a good amount of time at the doctor’s office and after an insulin shot, they felt comfortable letting me go home but urged my boyfriend to take me to the hospital if my sugars rose again.
To this day, I am lucky enough to say that I haven’t needed to be hospitalized but that is not the case for many others who have diabetes.
On December 17, 2019, I was diagnosed with Diabetes Type 1.
On Dec 27, 2019, I got engaged to my now husband.
In therapy, I discovered that I never allowed myself to grieve the life I had lost. The life of a non-diabetic. I never accepted the fact that things had changed or that I needed to accept this new life and learn how to live it.
Diabetes is not an easy diagnosis to live with. If you are managing your diabetes, it requires your 24/7, 365 days/year attention. You’re not allowed to take breaks, you can’t not think about it, and the roller coaster of blood sugar levels can be emotionally and mentally draining.
The fact that I had not managed my diabetes definitely put a strain on my relationship. It put a strain on our relationship because I wasn’t open about it, I didn’t want help with it, I didn’t know how to verbalize what type of support I needed, and I didn’t know how to properly manage my diabetes which caused high blood sugars. When someone experiences high blood sugars, these are the common early symptoms:
- Frequent urination
- Increased thirst
- Blurred vision
- Feeling weak or unusually tired
And if it goes untreated, you can experience the following symptoms:
- Fruity-smelling breath
- Dry mouth
- Abdominal pain
- Nausea and vomiting
- Shortness of breath
- Confusion
- Loss of consciousness
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/hyperglycemia/symptoms-causes/syc-20373631
When I experienced some of the above symptoms, I was not someone you wanted to be around. I managed to hide how I felt at work and not lash out but with my family and boyfriend, it could get ugly. Ugly in the sense that I felt too tired, got easily frustrated, felt like I was in a fog and had no motivation for anything and got angry easily.
Being the older sister and not having any brothers, I felt like I put it upon myself to carry my family if my dad was at work. I was the one who killed the spiders, I was the one who drove my mom and sister around, I was the one who stepped up. Because of this mentality, I never wanted to be a burden for anyone.
Therapy helped my realize that I wasn’t a burden for needing help or wanting help but I could become a burden if I never asked for help and/or support.
Therapy helped me realized that I couldn’t do it alone and if I truly wanted to marry the man I was engaged to and be with him forever, I needed to let him in and see the parts I didn’t want to face by myself. I needed to lean on him, I needed to ask him for support and I needed to be vulnerable with him.
We’ve now been married for 1 year and almost 4 months and I am grateful that I took that leap of faith and shared with him my deep dark secret.
I told him today was National Diabetes Awareness Month and he replied “Happy National Diabetes Awareness Month babe.” For me, that meant the world and it put a big smile on my face.
For anyone struggling, I see you. I’ve been there. You can and will get through this. Lean on your support system and if you don’t have anyone, look to TikTok or Instagram as you can find amazing and supportive people on there that have the same thoughts and fears as you do.
Happy November 1st!
Happy National Diabetes Awareness Month!
Living with Dianabetes 